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Are you in favor of buying or adopting a pet?

작성자: cnc36
작성일: 2018년 01월31일(수) 오후07:31
조회수: 108회
코멘트: 0개
검은색:학생영작=> [Student's sentence]
파란색:수정문장=> [Corrected sentence]
빨간색:문법설명=> [Grammar explanation]
초록색:나은문장=> [Better sentence] 
  

I am in favor of adopting a pet from shelters.
The sentence is correct.

FIrstly, when I don't have any sense of knolwedge  about difference between adopting from a shelter and buying animal from a store, I thought there is just minor difference in the place where you take pets.

Firstly, if I don’t have any knowledge (or idea) about the difference between adopting from a shelter and buying an animal from a pet store, I think there is a minor difference in the place where you take pets.

Eliminate the random capitalization of the letter "I" from the word “FIrstly”. You only use ordinal adverbs (Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly) to show a list of your thoughts or to enumerate related points.
Be careful of your spelling of words, such as “knowledge” not “knolwedge”.
Use the “if” clause when referring to possible or unreal situations.  You only use the “when” clause if referring to predictable situations that will happen. Minimize using redundant words such as “difference”. Look for synonyms or rephrase the sentence. Get to the point as much as possible.


There is a minor difference between adopting and buying animals from a pet store.



When I walk on the streets, I see many pet stores and think of the pets' cuteness and a bit of compassion of them and it makes me feel to buy them to give them freedom.

When I walk on the streets, I see many pet stores and think of the pets' cuteness and feel a bit of compassion for them, and it makes me feel I want to buy them to give them freedom
.

Take note of the correct usage of your prepositions. The preposition “for” is used to refer “on the account of” the animals (them) rather than using “of”, which refers to “relating to” or “in connection with”. Check your independent clause if they have a complete thought. Add comma/s (,) after your first independent clause

Whenever I walk on the streets, I see pet stores and think of the cute animals and feel a bit of compassion for them. I want to buy them and give them freedom.



How come I have thought buying them from the stores?

How come I have thought of buying them from the stores?

Use the preposition “of” to link words or to show connection. 

How come I thought of buying them from the stores?



As buying a pet from the stores means giving them money and supporting them, it never be considered for the people who are potential customers to take the pets from the stores.

As buying a pet from the stores means giving them money and supporting them, it will never be considered acceptable for the people who are potential customers to take the pets from the stores.

“It never be…” is changed to “It will never be…”. Auxiliary verbs such as “will” refers to desire or determination.
“It never be considered for the people…” lacks thought and is corrected to “It will never be considered acceptable for the people…’


Buying a pet means giving supporting their wrong cause. It will never be considered acceptable for the people who are potential customers to buy their pets from stores.




Therefore, organisations should give notice to the people who are willing to supporting them such as animal lovers or the host of pets to get more powerful voice for animal.

Therefore, organisations should give notice to the people who are willing in supporting them such as animal lovers or the host of pets to get more powerful voice for animal.

The preposition “to” is only used to indicate the place, person, or thing that someone or something moves toward, or the direction of something. “In”, on the other hand, refers to something that belongs to or is included as part of something in this context. Try not to elaborate too much on a simple idea by constructing lengthy sentences.

Therefore, organisations that support animal care should give notice to the people who have the same cause, especially pet owners, to score a more powerful voice for the animals.

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